Let me start off this post with saying - I’m an odd bird. A guy once told me that he was kind of like that 8 sided puzzle piece that only fits in one specific spot. I laughed at this logic because I have used this exact analogy in explaining myself, except I said 7 sided puzzle piece. (Side note: I always use 7. If I have to wake up at 8, my alarm is set at 7:57. Why? That's my favorite baseball player's number. Odd bird. Yes. Told you.)
Being a unique individual, intriguing my interest can be difficult. I'm extremely picky and have gotten more so lately. I'll blame my old ripe age of 25.
However, a few phrases always spark my interest– (CrossFit, Astros, Craig Biggio is the most underrated second basemen in history, vizslas, I ran my last marathon in under 3 hours, Mitt Romney, “I’ll have what she’s having,” Harry Potter, and “I’m a history major.”)
A guy (we’ll call him Al) has wanted to take me out again for some time. Al is a perfectly nice person, but kind of lacked that luster or spark (well for me.) The thing is Al and I don't have the greatest of conversations. You're going to marry your best friend, and sadly Al wasn't it.
Furthermore, Al doesn’t know anything about sports. Watching sports is one of my favorite pastimes. Arguing and comparing college sport teams is my favorite pastime. I do it well and OFTEN.
Anyways, I decided to give Al a second chance. Everyone deserves a second shot and frankly sometimes I need it more than others. Following my friend's advice of, “it matters how they treat you and not how much they can argue (I call it banter) with you,” I didn’t completely write him off. This may be the problem in my dating life. I relish in people that can rally back and forth with me, kind of like a tennis match. If they're able to get a clean winner off of me, I admire that. I’m quick so that seldom happens.
Did Al blow his second chance? Oh Yes. He went down faster than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.
It played out like this: We chatted on the phone on my way back from spending Thanksgiving in Houston with my family. We exchanged the normal pleasantries one does after such a holiday, “How was your Thanksgiving?” “Great! Yours?” Except, my response was a little different; “It would have been wonderful, if A&M didn’t blow that game.”
Pause. Recapping this loss puts my heart once again in agonizing pain. Seriously Ags, you were the favorite.
Moving on... After concluding my rant about the arrogance of the Longhorn Network and the collapse of my favorite rivalry, Al says, “Oh that’s too bad, but I don’t really follow college football.”
I’m sorry...what? You don’t follow college football? Why? Is it difficult? Not interesting? How? Are you a male? Are you American? Did you play sports? For once, I was speechless.
Not only could I not talk, but I lost any interest I once had. That’s a bigger turn-off than having a date check out a girl in front of you and saying she has big jugs. Actually, that did happen to me on a date. True story. Did I go out with that guy again? Hell yeah, he used to play for Georgia and our waitress was well equipped. I even looked!
Anyways, I realized poor Al and I weren’t going to work. Maybe we could just be friends. Pondering this thought, I remembered my favorite movie, “When Harry Met Sally” and that “men and women cannot be just friends, the sex thing always gets in the way.”
Lucky for me, Al had a crazy work travel schedule and then home for the holidays, so I had a few weeks of dodging dates.
I spoke to soon. His first week back in town and I receive a text Monday morning, “Hey Ash, would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow?”
Hmmm… my response. “Thanks, but I’m busy!” (Hence, I didn't say I would like to another time. Context clues!)
Thursday afternoon text, “Hey Ash, I heard of this new sushi restaurant. Would you like to go Friday?”
New tactic: Paleo diet. Works like a charm.
My response: “Al, I would like to go, but I can’t eat sushi. I only eat things hunted and gathered. I could eat the fish, but I would feel more comfortable if I caught it.”
Haven’t heard back….
I’m eating sushi tonight. If you can’t banter college football with me, don’t bother. I do have standards.
Being a unique individual, intriguing my interest can be difficult. I'm extremely picky and have gotten more so lately. I'll blame my old ripe age of 25.
However, a few phrases always spark my interest– (CrossFit, Astros, Craig Biggio is the most underrated second basemen in history, vizslas, I ran my last marathon in under 3 hours, Mitt Romney, “I’ll have what she’s having,” Harry Potter, and “I’m a history major.”)
A guy (we’ll call him Al) has wanted to take me out again for some time. Al is a perfectly nice person, but kind of lacked that luster or spark (well for me.) The thing is Al and I don't have the greatest of conversations. You're going to marry your best friend, and sadly Al wasn't it.
Furthermore, Al doesn’t know anything about sports. Watching sports is one of my favorite pastimes. Arguing and comparing college sport teams is my favorite pastime. I do it well and OFTEN.
Anyways, I decided to give Al a second chance. Everyone deserves a second shot and frankly sometimes I need it more than others. Following my friend's advice of, “it matters how they treat you and not how much they can argue (I call it banter) with you,” I didn’t completely write him off. This may be the problem in my dating life. I relish in people that can rally back and forth with me, kind of like a tennis match. If they're able to get a clean winner off of me, I admire that. I’m quick so that seldom happens.
Did Al blow his second chance? Oh Yes. He went down faster than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.
It played out like this: We chatted on the phone on my way back from spending Thanksgiving in Houston with my family. We exchanged the normal pleasantries one does after such a holiday, “How was your Thanksgiving?” “Great! Yours?” Except, my response was a little different; “It would have been wonderful, if A&M didn’t blow that game.”
Pause. Recapping this loss puts my heart once again in agonizing pain. Seriously Ags, you were the favorite.
Moving on... After concluding my rant about the arrogance of the Longhorn Network and the collapse of my favorite rivalry, Al says, “Oh that’s too bad, but I don’t really follow college football.”
I’m sorry...what? You don’t follow college football? Why? Is it difficult? Not interesting? How? Are you a male? Are you American? Did you play sports? For once, I was speechless.
Not only could I not talk, but I lost any interest I once had. That’s a bigger turn-off than having a date check out a girl in front of you and saying she has big jugs. Actually, that did happen to me on a date. True story. Did I go out with that guy again? Hell yeah, he used to play for Georgia and our waitress was well equipped. I even looked!
Anyways, I realized poor Al and I weren’t going to work. Maybe we could just be friends. Pondering this thought, I remembered my favorite movie, “When Harry Met Sally” and that “men and women cannot be just friends, the sex thing always gets in the way.”
Lucky for me, Al had a crazy work travel schedule and then home for the holidays, so I had a few weeks of dodging dates.
I spoke to soon. His first week back in town and I receive a text Monday morning, “Hey Ash, would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow?”
Hmmm… my response. “Thanks, but I’m busy!” (Hence, I didn't say I would like to another time. Context clues!)
Thursday afternoon text, “Hey Ash, I heard of this new sushi restaurant. Would you like to go Friday?”
New tactic: Paleo diet. Works like a charm.
My response: “Al, I would like to go, but I can’t eat sushi. I only eat things hunted and gathered. I could eat the fish, but I would feel more comfortable if I caught it.”
Haven’t heard back….
I’m eating sushi tonight. If you can’t banter college football with me, don’t bother. I do have standards.
hILARIOUS with a lower case h! Because capital H's are overrated.
ReplyDeleteThanks Josh :) I'm glad you rediscovered your own blog!
ReplyDelete