Cancer. It’s a word no one likes to hear; especially when someone in your family has it. I’m the first to admit that I’m not a strong person when someone is sick. I loathe hospitals. I despise doctors. I hate needles, blood or anything involving medicine. I’m a very impatient person. I feel like when someone is sick, you are always waiting - waiting for the doctor, the test results, or the next surgery.
When someone is ailing, there isn’t much one can do about it. It was six months of hell for my family, but finally we are turning a corner. It all started on my friend’s birthday when I got that dreadful phone call. I fell apart. Literally, fell on the ground. When someone you love is sick, the fear takes over. You immediately think the worst. This cancer took several family members lives, would it take another?
Health is funny. You never fully appreciate it, until it’s gone. Every time I run, row and even airdyne – I’m grateful. So many people wish they could work out, but are too sick to get out bed.
Fear can bring the worst out of a person too; it does for me. I got extremely angry. Why us? Why my family? Don’t we deserve a break? We’re good people…why?
I questioned God. I prayed. I always prayed before, but not like this. Usually my prayers were please let me win this tennis match. Or please let my Ponies score a touchdown. Not, please save someone’s life.
I even bargained. Did I do this? Was I not good enough? If you save her life, I’ll never go to the bar again. I won’t cuss. I’ll be perfect or at least close to it.
What’s even scarier is the unknown. What do you mean there are few options? There’s chemo, radiation, or surgery. I thought these doctors were idiots and I knew better.
What’s even scarier is the unknown. What do you mean there are few options? There’s chemo, radiation, or surgery. I thought these doctors were idiots and I knew better.
When I first got the news, I kept it to myself. It wasn’t until the lack of sleep built up and I finally broke down to my group of girlfriends at dinner. I was scared. I wasn’t tough Ash and I needed help. Let me tell you something, being a true friend is difficult. I was not fun to be around this summer. I was tired. I was sad. I wasn’t myself, but my friends stuck by me through all of it. Friendships are like relationships. Sometimes they’re not fun, but you stay with them because you are there for not only the good times but also the bad.
My close friends were amazing. Even people I didn’t expect to reach out to me did. Koy and Lindsey from the gym were especially wonderful. I will never forget the sweet email she wrote me. My best friend Jos was in China and managed to contact me. Friends stopped by at the hospital, my house and even work. Carly forced me to relax and go workout. Erica, who was balancing a demanding job, new house, and planning a wedding, always offered to take care of Rope. Dev cooked me dinner, so I would have a decent meal. I received so many texts, calls, surprise visits, and of course food. I wasn’t even the sick one, but I was hurting. When I’m sad, I shut down. It’s a bad trait. I closed myself off, but these friends broke through and helped me through this difficult time.
Although this summer was rough. It’s September and it’s looking like we can put this nightmare behind us. I worked out carefree for the first time in months. I didn’t look at my phone or worry something bad might happen.
As always, I learned several valuable lessons. One is to always appreciate life, even when it throws you a nasty curve ball. Two, prayers are usually answered. Three, you can’t do anything without good friends by your side. I also learned if you haven’t worked out consecutively for a few months – 100 pull –ups will kick your butt.
