Everyone knows I’m addicted to ice cream. It’s a daily habit. I used to wake up in college every morning and have a bowl for breakfast - perfect snack right before a long run.
When we were younger, my mom believed if you craved something, it was the body’s way of saying it needed a nutrient. I used this trick growing up, Mom all I want for dinner is ice cream – I guess my body desires milk. She later caught on.
So ice cream has always been a love of mine. I wanted to work for Ben and Jerry’s – seriously. I picked a tennis tournament just because it was in Vermont aka Ben and Jerry Town. Best tour I have ever been on – free ice cream samples.
I used to keep ice cream in the house, until a guy friend dropped off two quarts of ice cream. I was feeling sick, so he was attempting to be nice. The two quarts were gone in three days. That is 24 servings of ice cream people - disturbing even for me. After that I decided ice cream would not be allowed in the house. Actually, my roommate did after I complained that I became a “chub chub.”
This is where our story starts.
So one Sunday evening, I had a hankering for this creamy goodness. One problem, it was 10:40 and the only spot that served this treat was TBCY. They closed at 11 pm. I know when every ice cream store closes. Trust me, I bet someone on this.
I somehow persuaded Erica to jump in the car with me and off we went. I live on the Katy Trail and TCBY is a good 7 to 10 minutes away, so you may have been saying I drove a little faster than average.
Suddenly as I turn right on to Mockingbird, sirens flash behind me. Luckily, I slowed my speed at the stoplight since I was about to make a right turn. Those that drive with me might say I’m not the best driver, so when I turn I usually swerve into several lanes. Hmmm this may have been the issue.
I pull over extremely flustered. Fifteen minutes till TCBY closes. I’m not the nicest person when I’m craving ice cream and can’t get it. The cop slowly gets out of the car and walks to the back of my SUV with his flashlight like he’s searching for something. Good luck sir. I could have a dead body in the back of my car and not know about it. I’m somewhat messy.
Now he’s at my front window. In attempting to make this process easier, I already hand over my driver’s license and insurance.
“Mam, do you know why I stopped you?” He questions.
I know you haven’t been behind me that long. I mean if you were following me from my house, there were many things – the speeding or not a complete stop. Don’t worry I did not express these thoughts.
“No sir, I don’t. Please enlighten me,” I say. Erica is sitting in the front seat straight ahead scared to look at me or the police man.
“Mam, you weren’t driving in the lanes and when you turned you swerved. Are you distracted?”
“Well yes I am. You see TBCY closes at 11 and I really want some ice cream.” I’ve been a firm believer that honesty is the best policy.
“TCBY?” He seems quite confused by this answer.
“The ice cream store. I know it’s not really my go to place either, but your options are limited at this time of night.”
“Mam, how much alcohol have you had tonight?”
“None,” I shout. Why would he think I’m drunk?
“Today? None?” He asks, clearly not believing my answer.
“None.” Now Friday night is a completely different story.
This was the truth. I may have had the most innocent day. I went to church, took Rope on a walk, went to a movie, finished a book, and then ice cream.”
“Please step out of the car,” he demands.
So in situations where I’m nervous, I giggle. It’s horrible. Also, once I start laughing, I can’t stop. I’m on the verge of breaking into a laughing fit on that fact that I’m about to get a DWI on my way to the ice cream store.
Suddenly the cop takes out another flashlight. “Mam, please follow the light with your eyes.”
Has anyone had to do this? It hurts especially if you have very light, sensitive eyes. Furthermore, I felt like a dog being teased by a bone. Up, down, right, left and back again. Getting dizzy, I stopped looking at the light.
He removes it from my face, cocks his head and says, “You failed the test, are you sure you didn’t have anything to drink today?”
“How did I fail a drunk test?” I say laughing. (This is probably not helping my cause) “I’m seriously not drunk. I have not had one sip of alcohol today. Can we move this process along and you just give me a breathalyzer?”
“Have you smoked anything?”
“I smoked a chicken, does that count?” He didn’t appreciate my humor.
“Have you had any drugs?” He says.
“The only drug I’ve had is Advil. I take about 12 a day for my knee.” I say. Great that’s probably against the law.
I look back towards Erica, she looks petrified. Honestly, at this point I thought this guy was a fake cop. One: What drunk person would ask for a breathalyzer? Two: What cop would refuse one?
The policeman then tells me to follow him to the parking lot. Now, I’m even more annoyed. It’s 10:55; TCBY will surely be closed.
“I would like you to stand on one leg and hold your balance,” he states.
I point at my knees. “This is so not happening,” I say under my breath.
“What did you say?” he asks.
“ Um, my knees can barely hold me up. I have horrible balance. I can attempt this, but will probably wobble and you will definitely think I’m drunk.”
“Look, just give me a breathalyzer. I’m not plastered, wasted, or sloshed. Frankly, I wish I was. I haven’t had alcohol and wouldn’t a breathalyzer solve both of our problems?”
The cop looks at me and says, “Fine. I believe you. But, you failed several of the tests, so you need to think about that.”
Thanks sir – noted. I failed a DWI test, maybe I can take a class on that. “Thank you. Have a nice night.” I yell back as I jump in the car.
“Can you believe that happened?” I say to Erica.
“It would only happen to you.” She says looking somewhat pale.
“Wasn’t that funny,” I ask.
“No Ash, it wasn’t funny. It was scary. You could have been taken to jail. Can we go home?” she says clearly stressed.
“No- I’m getting my ice cream. They may still be open.”
Luckily, TCBY was still open. Instead of my usual small, I opted for the large. Hell, I deserved it. Oh and Erica drove home.
