Guy advice from two dear friends

I have been dreading this post. It’s the post two of my girlfriends have reminded me to write, basically as punishment for my foolish and somewhat hilarious actions. If this isn’t putting it out there, I don’t know what is. Names have been omitted, obviously.

When I broke up with my boyfriend, I’ll be honest I was not ready for a relationship or to be dating so I’ll blame a majority of my actions on this. When in doubt, blame the ex.

In attempt to “get back out there” I had my share of snags. Here is the aftermath and advice from two dear friends, Erica and Lauren.

Sometimes I have problems figuring out when a guy wants to be friends or more.

I come home one night flustered. “So he obviously does not want to be my friend” I tell Erica and Lauren.

“Of course he doesn’t want to be your friend. He takes you to dinner, a bar, and then back at his house to watch a movie,” says Erica

“Well, that makes it sound like we were on a date. After dinner, I quoted A Few Good Men, you know the line “did you order the code red” and he said he loved that movie and asked if I wanted to watch it. I was over the bar, plus it’s one of my top ten favs, so of course I said yes.”

“Please tell me you aren’t this naïve. At 12:30 in the morning on a Thursday, a male isn't thinking gee I'd sacrifice a few hours of precious sleep to watch A Few Good Men for the 5th time,” Lauren declares. “The only thing keeping him up is thinking he's going to get some action. That is a fact.”

“I thought we were JUST friends with similar food and movie taste. He would be my new movie buddy. Y’all know how picky I am about whom I watch movies with.”

“Maybe that's what it's like in SMU pony world - where everything is fluffy and perfect. If you're good looking and go to a guy’s house to watch a movie, especially after being at a bar; he's going to want to take your clothes off. Period.” Erica states.

“So you’re saying if a guy does not find you good looking then you can be friends and watch a movie.”

“Ash, in your case if you don’t like him, do not go to his house to watch a movie!” Erica fires back.

“But, it’s a GREAT movie.”

Sometimes I don’t know what not to text a guy.

“So, I followed y’alls advice; I apologized and told him what y’all said. Good. Right?” I ask Lauren and Erica.

“Wait, Ash, what exactly did you say?” Erica questions.

“Well, I told him that I don’t always follow my girlfriends’ advice, but this time I was going too.”

“Oh god, you didn’t.” Lauren says.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me. I told him about God.”

“Wait…come again.” Erica says trying to control her laugher

“Well, I went to church this morning and the sermon was all about how we should be completely honest to those we care about, even if it makes us uncomfortable. So, I told him I was going to be honest with him about how his actions made me feel.”

“Oh. My. God,” they both say in unison.

“So not good….”

“No Ash, not good.” Lauren replies back.

Don’t tell a guy you just want to be friends when you don’t.

“Ugh I’m so mad. He talked about his date in front of me this morning!” I tell Lauren

“So,” Lauren replies.

“What do you mean so? That sucks. I liked him.”

“If you did, why did you tell him you just wanted to be friends?”

“Well, I didn’t want him to know I liked him,” I say.

“Why not? Didn’t he say he liked you?” (Lauren always makes things sound so simple.)

“He did? I don’t know. Things got complicated.”

“You make them complicated! Well maybe you should tell him you don’t want to be friends,” Lauren answers.

(I text said guy that I don’t want to be friends)

“Um I think he is confused now.”

“Why?”

“I texted him and told him I changed my mind and did not want to be friends and we should just go back to banter.”

“Ashleigh one, you forgot a part and two, you shouldn’t be texting this.”

“Which part did I forget?”

“The part about you liking him!” Lauren shouted.

Read your text messages.

It’s a bad thing, but we all get a little braver with a few drinks. After one too many cocktails at Prime Bar, I texted one guy who did not appreciate by sarcastic tone and frankly put me in my place.

“Um he sent me a horrible text.”

“He did,” Erica asks all concerned.

“Yeah, but then he sent me two more.”

“Okay….what did they say?”

“I didn’t read them. “

“Why not? You’re so weird,” she says shaking her head.

“I don’t want to deal with it right now. Over it.”

“So you are just going to pretend that didn’t happen.”

“Yes.” My phone beeps. “Crap he texted again.”

“Read it,” she yells.

“No.”

Two weeks later I read the text messages to both Lauren and Erica. They weren’t that bad, but obviously too late to do anything.

Don’t have push-up competitions with guys you may be interested in.

“What happened with Joe?” Erica asks. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

“I don’t know. I’m kind of over it.” (I say I’m over things a lot)

“Why? He was so sweet and attentive, I like him for you.”

“Yeah. He was nice, but not really competitive.”

“Why?” She inquires. “He bikes.”

“He made fun of CrossFit.”

“So?” Erica lovingly makes fun of CrossFit too, so this isn’t a big deal to her.

“I bet I could lift more than him,” I say.

“Ashleigh. Seriously?

“I have a complex. I can’t date anyone I’m stronger or faster than.”

“Do you know you’re stronger than him?”

“Yes,” I state.

“How?”

“We had a push-up competition.”

“No you didn’t,” she says.

“Is that weird?”

“Yes,” she shouts.

“I know; my push-ups are horrible too!”

Don’t play games. You’ll regret it. Trust me.

“I just don’t know what guys want anymore.” I say.

“It’s pretty simple just be honest, open, sweet, fun. Basically, be yourself without all the games and insecurity. That seems to trip you up the most.” Lauren says.

“Do I play games?”

“Ah, yes you do.”

“That’s an unfair statement.”

“I think you act impulsively and defensively and then wish you could change things.”

“Completely disagree. Please give an example.”

“Last night.”

“Touché. I do regret that.”

It’s good to laugh at yourself. It’s even better to learn from your mistakes. And when you do learn from them, it’s even better to have friends that keep bringing them up to make sure you don't do it again. To quote Garden State, “If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like.”