A Tribute to my Roommate, Miss Leake.

How to start a dishwasher?

I really can’t get anything past this girl. I hear yelling downstairs, “Ashleigh, Ashleigh!”

Crap I think to myself, what did I do? Well, for starters I cleaned, did laundry and actually folded the clean laundry and put upstairs. I do the wash more, since I know how to now. Hmm what things did I turn on?  Oh no I rush downstairs and see soapy liquid seeping from the dishwasher.

“Ashleigh, what did you do,” she asks as she is wiping the floor with giant beach towels.

“Nothing. I just cleaned and started the dishwasher. It must be broken.”  (When I break things, they must have already been broken.)

“What did you put in it?”

“Dishwasher soap.” Now come on Erica that’s a stupid question even for me.  Oh wait, what did I put in it? I knew that stuff wasn’t right.

“Show me what you used.”

This girl is good. Crap, choose the right bottle. I wish this was “Who wants to be a Millionaire,” then I could phone a friend.

I look under the sink and at that exact moment I realize that I may have used the wrong soap for the dishwasher. They really should label these bottles more clearly. Do I confess right there? Um no… I lied. I feel guilty about it, but she knew I was lying. I’m a horrible liar.

“Um I used this soap right here – the dishwasher soap,” I said trying not to make eye contact.

I picked the one I didn’t use; obviously my first choice was wrong. I may be domestically challenged, but I know a dishwasher shouldn’t do that.

How to use a blender?

When making a smoothie, it should not blend for 24 hours. Yes. In attempt to make a healthy smoothie, that our CrossFit coach Drew recommended I may have learned a hard lesson.

For one, I blame Drew on this. He lists all the ingredients except the liquid. For those of us that may be domestically challenged. We need step by step instructions and all the ingredients. His instruction of –“ ice/water a lot…depends on desired thickness" caused some confusion.

I added the berries, spinach, banana, oatmeal, flax seeds and a bunch of other ingredients, pressed the button, and NOTHING. The blender won’t budge. Hmm I think to myself maybe the berries are too frozen, so I take all the ingredients out and put them in the microwave.

Zap for 45 seconds and try again. My concoction blends some, but not well. Maybe it’s a really difficult shake because of the spinach. I’ll just the blender go for a while on its own.  Thirty minutes later. No change. Try again. 10 minutes later. Little to no change.

Suddenly I hear Erica upstairs, “Ash what the hell are you making?”

“Just a smoothie.” I replied.

“Why is it taking so long?”

Hmm I wish I knew. I’m hungry. “I have no idea,” I said.

The kitchen sits directly under her room; I’ll mix this in the bathroom and shut the door so she won’t hear it. Fifteen minutes later, I’m on the bathroom floor holding the blender and still NO change. Gosh that Drew must be a good cook.

I decided to stop and try again in the morning. So I put the concoction in the fridge.

The next morning after CrossFit I remembered my recovery shake and thought it may just needed time to sit. Food sits or what do they call it, marinates, all the time.

 Now it’s 6:45 in the morning, I just returned from class. I plug it in. Please blend, I thought to myself.  Please.  I hear Erica coming downstairs. Erica is many things, but morning person she is not. I am very much a morning person!

“What the hell is that?” She says disgusted.

I’m not going to lie, my healthy shake looks disgusting. The spinach has wilted, the berries turned brown and chucks of oatmeal floated to the top.

“It’s my healthy shake.”

“Is this another CrossFit thing?”

“This is a healthy thing, but I can’t get it to mix how I want it to.”

“I know I could hear you blending for over an hour last night and this morning. You need more liquid. Ash, hold on, what liquid did you use?”

“The recipe doesn’t call for liquid just ice and….ohh that’s what desired thickness means.”

“How did you not know to put a liquid in the blender?”

I ignored her. This shake has taken me hours to prepare and nothing would hold me back from completion, not even that look she was giving me. Oh gosh, she even has her hand on her hip. Shit, she’s mad. It didn’t matter; I was on a mission. I added the water and just like the grace of god, it starts blending.

“It worked!”

Perfect. The best, longest and at the time ONLY shake I have ever made.  

The tools of the kitchen.

Erica, I’m going to be Paleo and cook I say proudly. I want to make desserts, since that’s my weak spot. See, I looked up this Paleo Pumpkin Bread Recipe.

Erica looks skeptically at the recipe. Ash, this looks complex, even for a normal person. (Normal person to Erica is one that knows their way around the kitchen and or house. I’m not defeated.

“Do we have a food processor?”

‘Yes, we have two.”

“Okay great. Where are they?”

“Ash, do even know what a food processor does?”

If a mixer, mixes and a blender, blends a processor, processes?

It processes things in the processor,” I say.

“If you don’t know what it looks like, you shouldn’t do this recipe. “

Still have yet to make this, but it’s on my to do list!